straying | OOC/IC ● VOICEMAIL

[He lets the comments pass, tilting his head and...sighs for a moment.

And then he looks at her. He's smiling, but it's...a half-smile. Wry. Somewhat serious. And surprisingly honest.]

You know, it sounds horribly stupid considering the nature of this world...

But I'm not going to leave you.

[Way to catch her off-guard. She freezes at his words, feeling as if she got caught doing something wrong. Feeling something wrong, maybe?

So she averts her gaze and forces a tight smile.]

You're right, that is stupid.

Let's not do this, then. So we don't want to say stupid things.

[He watches her then, expression the same as before, but his words are calm.]

What sort of stupid things? I've seemed to make a habit of saying them, so I might as well get it all out now.

...What are you so afraid of, Saya?

[She takes a step back, stance defensive as she frowns at him. There's a distant bell ringing in her head. Hadn't she been asked that exact same question before?]

More stupid things. There's - [everything] - nothing to be afraid of.

Where'd this come from? I'm fine!

Okay well. If it's something stupid, it shouldn't be bad at all to say.

[...]

Saya...Why is it that we can talk about my problems, but not yours?

[Immediate response!]

Because I don't have problems. I'm surprisingly content, believe it or not.

[A pause. ... Hm.]

... besides, even if I did have problems... I doubt they're of any interest to you. So why bother trying to dig any up?

[...Heh.]

Really? That's...what you think? Your problems aren't of interest to me?

My hypothetical problems. I mean... if I'm happy as is, which I am, then they can't all that bad! So if they're not of importance, why waste your attention on them?

Because they're yours. I don't care if they're as small as Motz drinking your milk.

Of course they [matter--] are of interest to me.

[One day, the things that make her happy won't hurt so much at the same time.]

Now you're just saying more stupid things.

Maybe. Don't you think it's your turn to return the favor?

Stupid or not. I'd...like to hear tham.

[... She bites her lip. It's really hard to be angry when he's being so genuine about things for once. A sharp sigh and she plops down on the bed. Quiet for a long while, she wonders what she's supposed to do.

What he's saying... He's getting closer and closer. She thought she was okay with this, and she thought that she could handle everything that came her way as long as he was there. But then he left. Maybe it was better if he did that again, so she wouldn't have to be abandoned again. So she turns to him and starts.]

You're--

[-- my problem.

The words die in her throat. She can't do it. It's not only a lie to her best friend, it'd be too much to lose him again.

So with a defeated look, she turns away from him again.]

Promise you won't leave me?

[...That's what this is about. He thought that that was it. He laughs quietly, once to himself, almost more a sigh than a laugh. He's certainly not laughing at her.

And he looks at her solemnly, even though she isn't looking at him.]

Saya. So long as the choice is mine to make, I'm not going to leave you.

[There are so many thoughts pressing on him then. What about the promise to Leila? Lord Hector? Ostia? What about what about what about?

But this is more important...just in this moment at least. He means every word.]

[... It's surprising how much she believes him this time. Maybe it's the fact that they're so serious about it. But she's quiet for a long time again. This is a lot of information to digest, after all. There was a lot said in so few words.

Sadly, for Saya, there was always room to doubt. She makes note to apologize to him later, for making this harder on him, but he has to know what she's considering.]

Even though you still have a sense of duty to your country and still have things to oversee. You're going back eventually, no doubt about that, and we'll be separated. That's not what I'm faulting you for.

But I don't want you to say that and then beat yourself up for making saying it later. So don't say it if you don't mean it.

I don't want to cause more inner turmoil for you, Matthew. Your added pain is not going to solve my problems.

[He chuckles then, closing his eyes and tipping his head.]

You're right. But you're also wrong. I'm not that conceited.

Ostia could easily find another spy. My lord...could find another retainer. Serra could find another bodyguard, and isn't that nice?

...I really mean what I said, you know.

[She rolls her eyes.]

This isn't about them. This is about you, dummy. I don't want you to have anything to regret. You have things you want to do back home, don't you?

... and don't talk like you're not going back. You are. ... eventually.

[A pause.]

... but I think I'm starting to know. [The slightest smile.] Maybe.

Who knows for sure? We don't know anything about this place. We might live here for the next 10 years.

[...He grins at that.]

Hey, well. Milord wouldn't be defeated by anything so puny as a dragon. I have no doubts my promise was fulfilled.

[...]

I don't have any regrets now. And...it's fine, to not have a reason to go back, I suppose.

[. . .

There's a sharp exhale and she runs a hand through her hair in an exhausted matter.]

You're way too much. Maybe I should've told you to get out.

[Another noise of complaint and she flops back on the bed. This is not counter-productive to the start of their day.]

It wouldn't have been nearly as hard. [. . .] Alright, maybe that's a lie.

...That's just what I think. Take it or leave it, Saya.

[A slight smirk.]

Don't you think I would've left it by now if it was an available option?

I can say the same, you know.

[She laughs at that.]

This doesn't sound so temporary anymore, Matthew.

[He peers up at her from through messy bangs. Bedhead. Heh.]

Does it need to be?

[She sits up and considers the question for a moment. Then she gives him a smile.]

I don't have a problem with it being permanent if you don't.

[And he flops back onto the bed also, pausing and looking at the ceiling with an odd smile.]

Then I don't see any problems.

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