video ● eleventh reflection

[straying]

[ FORWARD-DATED TO THE EVENING OF THE 23RD. (As tags will be slow for a while after.) ]

[There's a click as the feed starts and Saya hums a bit. She looks a bit tired but there's nothing about her demeanor that specifically tells that she's been haunted for the last couple days.]

The eve of Christmas Eve, guys! I figure most of us are pushing back our holiday plans considering everything that's happening, but I've found the most reliable mailman, so I hope some of you get your presents! Is everyone managing with your ghosts, though? I had one of my own but I haven't seen him lately. Then again, he always had that habit with disappearing. But if you ever need a place to crash or someone to talk to, you know where to go~

[She grins cheekily. Though suddenly her expression is confused.

What was that chill?

Will you continue to destroy others, witch?

The air is electrified. Everything is tense. Every fiber of her being on edge. Him. That voice. That insult. Only he would- Only her murderer would.

The broadcast is left forgotten as she whips around in her chair, her back to the SFC now as it lay on the table, entirely neglected. Because all at once, she's forgotten. Forgotten the curse, forgotten the ghosts, forgotten everything. Only remembering that she is facing the man who took her life.

Nevermind that this voice is only in her head.]

H-Hey.... I-I liked Train better. Why are you here? I don't want to- to....

[--to die again.

Her voice shakes, much as her frame does now. All the worldly experience that she exudes in her posture and confidence has been stripped from her now, just as she feels that the world has been yanked from underneath her.

Train Train Train. You don't even deserve to say his name, witch! He's not here to save you now. And truly, I will not fail to cut out your heart-

She leaps to her feet and knocks the SFC off the table in her haste. It clicks off. There will be no audience as she loses her mind.]

Comments

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[He pauses.

And then he laughs.]

C'mon, Saya. Relax. You aren't alone now, and I'm not going to let him get away and hurt anyone either, you know that. Even if he could...he wouldn't be going anywhere.

So just...breathe for a second, alright?

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[Found yourself another pet, witch?

She forcibly opens her eyes. Because the flashbacks have replaced the comforting darkness she wants right now.

Then something in her clicks. Train tried to save her from Creed and failed. Matthew's trying to save her from the memory of Creed and-

Stupid hero. Stupid hero. She doesn't need you.

He gets the silence she wants as she just breathes for a moment. Calming herself down, though her mind is still racing. Why is she doing this? Why is she being so riled up? Why does she feel like she wants Matthew to stay?

She lets go of him and instead wraps her arms around herself, taking a step back and looking to the side.

Then, very clearly:]

I want to be alone.

[Right? That's what would make things better, right? That's what would make her feel like herself again?]

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[He arches an eyebrow at her.]

You know who you sound like right now?

[He knows that this comparison will get to her, because he knows that she would have been helping Billy herself if she came across him--

Because she is Saya, and he knows her well.]

You sound like Billy. Trying so hard to pretend like you don't need anyone right now.

What happened to sticking together this week?

[And more quietly--]

Reality isn't easy to figure out when you're alone with the ghosts.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[He's right. She flinches at the comparison and it's horrible because she was supposed to help Billy and then this-

.... Still. Accepting this would be going against her way of life.]

You know the difference between me and Billy is experience. I've... never needed anyone all my life.

[And it's true. Except right now, she wants company more than ever and that... puts things at risk. It puts herself at risk.

So as she normally does, she'll run away but pushing someone else in front of the bus so she doesn't have to confront things about herself.]

Go find someone else. Billy, Naoya, Kagome, someone... I can't do anything right now, you need to fill in for me.

[And then she mutters it again to herself, as if trying to reaffirm it.]

I didn't need Train. I don't need you.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[He manages a bit of a wry grin.]

Of course you don't need me. When did I ever say that?

Don't go back on your own words. I'd be pretty disappointed in you if you did.

[A sigh; he tilts his head and gives the bleeding Leila a cursory look. Detached, yet it still hurt.]

I'm not leaving, because you told me not to even bother trying.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[.... Is that how it is?

Like everything else, they'll cover it up.

... technically, she's losing.

Except... right now, she'll let him win. Because right now, she doesn't want to turn around and face Creed alone.

Maybe deep down, she needs him. She needs the company, she needs the distraction, she needs the reminder-

But for right now, all she needs is to not take back her own words. And if she does that, then her best friend will stay. Finally, she sighs.]

... you're all the same. Stubborn and ridiculous.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

Probably, yeah. But you fit right in, so that isn't a problem.

[He crosses his arm, tilting his head.]

So? I know of a seafood place we haven't hit yet that isn't far from here.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[... Yep, hesitant to head out. Insanely so. She doesn't want to hear Creed's horrible comments about other people and how she should stay away and save them all some pain... because she might listen.]

... let's save it for when I have an appetite. Can't be unbiased with the food if I'm not interested.

[A thought and then she looks amused.]

Just... don't let me touch any rice crackers right now.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[...]

...Heh. He really is getting to you, isn't he?

He's not going to touch you. Nor is he going to harm anyone else.

...And I doubt rice crackers would make for a very good distraction from anything.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

I didn't think he'd kill me either.

[So she turns back around and seems startled as soon as she sees him and once again, she's on pins and needles. But she keeps walking, heads towards the couch and grabs a spare blanket.

Like a child, she wraps herself up in it and flops onto the couch.]

.... this is tiring.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[He follows, perching on the arm of the couch.]

It is. But even if it seems bad now...it will dull.

[Talking from experience, yep yep. And he grins.]

What are you so afraid of? You're already dead. He's not going to be able to kill you again, since he's not really there.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[Why does he always have the uncanny ability to ask the million dollar question?

After all that she's said, after all this time that she's been able to laugh about it, she doesn't want to admit that part of her wants to live again. Or that Vatheon's as close as she'll get for a while.]

Zombies are one thing... he's something else entirely.

[A shiver runs down her spine and she just shakes her head. Pulling the blanket over so it asks as a bit of a hood, as if that'll help drown out the voice of the ghost.]

Funny how these things play with your emotions.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[He nods, clasping his hands in front of him.]

Of course he is. He's the assassin that killed you.

[...Sigh.]

You are aware that it is normal to be afraid of the person who killed you, right?

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

... just because it's normal doesn't mean I have to like it.

[With her blanket hood, she pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her head atop them.

It's official. She's upset.]

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

Find me someone who does like this week.

[He shakes his head.]

Are you going to be able to hold it together?

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[At that, she does manage to laugh, though it's an exhausted one.]

I'm down, but I'm not out.

Though I admit my current plan is that if I stay up long enough, I'll be too tired to have nightmares.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

...Sounds like a decent plan to me.

How will we spend the time? Do you have any games?

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[... pfff. She cracks a smile at that.]

Don't tell me we're going to play Monopoly.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

[...whut?]

...Monopoly?

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

Most monotonous way to pass time ever.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

...When I said game, I was thinking something entertaining.

I thought you would have more suggestions than I would.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

I don't spend much time indoors.

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

I can't say I do either.

[A thoughtful pause.]

But if you aren't going to sleep and you aren't going to move from that couch, I'd say we're stuck right here.

[sweeperesque.livejournal.com]

[......]

If I were to give up the second demand, where would we go?

[redcloakedthief.livejournal.com]

...The rooftops are usually a good start.